I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
