Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
