I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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