hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
