Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
