i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
