I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
