absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
