He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
