dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
