Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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