I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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