You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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