Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
