it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
