the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
