remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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