he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We left an ass print on the piano.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
