we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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