So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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