i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
