is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
