tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
