I think I died a long time ago.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
