We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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