I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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