1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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