i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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