I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have post one night stand depression
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