Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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