Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
