I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
