Pants 0. Shit 1.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
