hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
