How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
