I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
