forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
