I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
