Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
