Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
