honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
