so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
