There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
