Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
