New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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