i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
