Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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