don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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