I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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