I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
