When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
