I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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