not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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