you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize