I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
