I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
