Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
