I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
