i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you would pick up someone in the library
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
