just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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