nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
