Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
