can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wish my penis had a tongue
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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