New invention idea: vibrating tampons
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
