his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
